Today has got to be the worst Monday of all time, and considering Monday’s, that’s saying something.
It’s like I did something to offend the universe, and the universe responded by making everything suck.
Because I like a good screenplay, I’m going to write this down like a play.
(Millie’s mother, or MM, walks into Millie’s disaster of a bedroom.)
MM: Millie? Are you up yet?
(Millie is in bed, and rolls over, grumbling.)
MM: What was that?
Millie: Mom, it’s Saturday. Calm down.
MM: Hon, it’s Monday.
(Millie jolts up, terrified.)
Millie: What?! How is this possible?
MM: It’s a weekly occurrence.
Millie: Ohhh, I’m gonna be late! (MM leaves)
(Millie runs her hand in her curly blonde hair, trying to flatten it. It doesn’t work.)
Millie: Ooh, dear, what should I wear? (Shrugs). Screw it. I’ll wear whatever’s clean!
(Millie runs into bathroom, where she brushes her teeth, gets dressed, and brushes her hair in five minutes. Runs down the stairs)
MM: D’you have time for breakfast?
Millie: Nah, I’ll have a banana.
MM (looks on in horror): Hon? What’s up with your hair? And…your clothes?
Millie: Huh? What’s wrong with-(Looks down to see that she’s wearing a short lime green t-shirt dress with magenta boots). Oh no! What was I thinking?
MM: And your hair, dear.
(Millie tugs at her hair before dropping her hands in horror.)
Millie: Oh come on! Why do I have to have a knot too? (Looks at watch) I gotta go!
(MM tries to talk, but Millie runs out the door)
(Millie is running up to the school.)
Millie (Thinking): I’m gonna be late! School starts at 30, not 35! And I can’t be late to biology, or Mr. Gray’s gonna give me detention!
(She is running so hard and fast that her foot twists to one side. She falls and her backpack unzips, and all of her books spill out)
Millie: Why! Oh no, my backpack! All my books…this is gonna take forever!
(She hurries and tries to shove some books in her pack, but scrapes the palm of her hand on the sidewalk)
Millie: Dang it! How can this day get worse?
I should not have said that. It’s a rule of the universe that if you say those six words, then everything will go to hell.
(Karen is walking by and doesn’t notice Millie. She trips over her backpack).
Karen: Wait, what? (Gets up and dusts jeans) What is your problem?
Millie: Huh? I fell-
Karen (angrily): You should zip your backpack better,that way nothing will fall out. You’re so irresponsible. I’ll see you later!
All of my classes were hard, too. And because I’ve already been late to Mr. Gray’s class, I got a detention. I’ve never gotten a detention before. At lunch, I found out that my best friend, Adam, wasn’t at school. I had nowhere to sit. Finally, I got to geometry…
Millie (sits down): Oof! What a day…thank goodness it’s almost over….
Mr. Davis: All right, class. Hand over your homework!
(Millie looks in her binder, but doesn’t find her homework. She pales.)
Millie: Mr. Davis? What was our homework again?
Mr. Davis: Um, page 536, problems 5-12, and problem 36.
Millie: I can’t find it!
Mr. Davis: Millie, we’ve had this talk before.
Millie (slumps): I know.
Mr. Davis: I’m gonna have to give you 50% if you can turn it in tomorrow.
Millie: Yeah… I know.
Mr. Davis: Okay then. Class! Today we have a pop quiz….
(Class groans, and Millie sighs.)
Today was not a good day. After school let out, some guys were roughhousing in the halls and accidentally pushed me. I got up, but as I was walking home, my dress caught on a piece of loose metal from a fence. After I got loose, I noticed a huge tear. At least I’m home now. Anyway, I think I’ll go drown my sorrows with a glass of lemonade…
(Millie fills a glass with sparkling lemonade. As she walks back to her room, she trips over her cat and drops the glass. It shatters everywhere, and some lemonade flies onto the cat and soaks in its fur. The cat jumps, accidentally grabs Millie’s leg with its claws out, and runs away.)
Millie: Oh no…darn Monday’s….